screw capital.

Right now I feel like a poopy-poop. Ugh. I seriously hate almost all my friends now. Noooo! What am I going to do if I can't stand any of my friends?

I really hope this is just me being Ms. Moody-Bluesy-Teenagerith. Damn you hormones!

I think there was a really good punk band called the hormones. But I can't remember. I think I'll look that up.

Dad is leaving for Summer Camp(the awesomely awesome hippy music fest in chilicothe) I'm still pissed that he's refused to take me. I don't get to go to any festivals this year. :( Wait, did he already leave? Jeez would it have killed him to say goodbye! Ugh once more.

And since dads' going to scamp and mom works all this weekend I can't go do fun stuff.

I don't know if I really want to hang with Mad anyway.

I just want to get away from this neighborhood. I want out! I want to go camping. I want to go to....some where other than Rockford.

Blah, I need a job so I can learn to drive so I can get a car so I can go on a road trip so I can see Morganne and Alli and other fun fun fun people so I can have lots of fun and be free of the evil confines of this horable industrial city. At least for a month or two. Job job job job job. Every thing revoleves around money. What can you do with out it? You can hoof it. But you wont get no where fast. Or you wont get out of no where fast. That's what Rockford is, one hell of a no where. Oh suuuuure, third bigest city in the state! Dosen't mean crap, we're the bigest one horse town you've ever seen. I mean, we have CORN FEILDS in the midle of the city! You wanna' know what Rockford is? It's the screw capital of the world. Yeah that's right, we manufacture screws. That's all Rockford is! Factories! It's a fucking dump.

God I'm in such a bad mood. And I have to clean the fucking house.
Grr.

Alice in wonderland

Dress-rehearsals went bad today. Not bad bad. Just not great. But that's normal I guess, bad dress, good performance. The first time we went through it was way better than the second time. I was more into it. I wont say I was great, that'd be a big fat lie--it's not like I can actually act--but I didn't drop any lines, skip any cues, and I felt, felt.....like the queen.
I'm tired though, I'm just stuck in this nervy fog. Shaking 'cuz I'm scared and sick to my stoumich 'cuz I'm scared but also 'cuz I'm sicker than I have been in a while. Shit, I'm not ready for this. I'm not sure why I'm so scared though, it's not like I have a big part--not like last year! But when ever I think about it I feel like I'm going to...I don't know. I just feel like I can't do it, but I have to, it's to late now. God, Terry and Eli are going to be there! I don't want any one I know to be there. Fucking up in front of strangers is okay, but totally bombing in front of the woman who taught me to act, the guy I used to be friends with--fuck! I don't think I was this scared last year, which is weird since then I was one stage the whole entire time and I had so many lines I could hardly remember them all and now I'm just the queen.

I can't wait untill tomorrow. Nervy as I am, I know it's going to kick ass. The performance is going to be amazing.

My head hurts and I can't figure out Lady Madonna. Mike said to play it an octive higher than the sheat says, and I figured, ''no problem I can totally handle that.'' But it's alot harder than I thought. Ugh.

skanky-sluty-summer-fun

Magnolian fest was boring and tiny, and I felt thirdwheel-a-licious since Jon couldn't come.(It was Mad, Evan, and I) We walked around in this cool old neighborhood for a while. My legs are a little sore(1. I should work out more. 2. I should have been wearing better shoes.) but I think I burned alot of fat so that's good.(I really don't care about being ''skinny'' I just want to be fit)

This morning, I some how bit my uperlip when I triped on the stairs.(Ariel needs to learn how to walk!) So now it feel really weird when I talk. Like there's this patch on the inside of my uperlip that is missing a bunch of skin, it didn't bleed or any thing, it's just raw and a little....tingley.

Oh god, today at the fest, I was wearing this little mini skirt right? And I wasn't really paying attention to where I was walking and I triped on this big crack in the sidewalk, and the guy behind me totally saw my underwear. Good thing I was actually wearing them! Can you imagine how embarasing that would have been if I decided to go comando? Plus, at Mad's house when I was walking up the stairs Mad was like ''Ooooh Ariel I can totally see your undies!" Hahahaha, that would have been awkward!

Anyway, Joshua asked me out again last night. I tryed to let him down gently ya' know? But I think I might have come off as bitchy. God I hate having to turn guys down! It makes me feel like a horable person, but I'm just not into him that way. And I'm totally not looking for a relationship this summer. Summer flings are where it's at man. Who'd want to be totally involved when you can just play around and have fun ;) Besides, I'm to busy to stick with one guy in the summer. Boyfriends are fun, but it's more fun to just play the feild. Oh wow, that made me sound like a total slut didn't it? I really didn't mean it like that, I just mean, I'm not looking to fall in love is all. Hahaha.

I can't change a thing(but do I really want to?)

Going to a street festival today, woohoo! I actually have no clue what it's about, but whatever, I'll have fun any way.

So I started writing a song this morning, it sounds pretty fab so far, but I can't figure out what to write next, nothing sounds good. So I think I'm just going to leave it alone for now and see if it still sounds good in the morning. If it does then I'll get down to writing some music to go with it. It's gonna' be weird writing music for lyrics on my own, ususally I write the lyrics and the chorus and one of my band mates does the rest. But they are looooooong gone now, I'm not in contact with any of them, they haven't even done any shows since we split up. Ah well, I s'pose I really need to do it eh? I don't want to be dependant on other people for music. Or any thing else for that matter.

Rachel seems to have disapeired. She's deleted her myspace, she hasen't been on AIM for like two weeks, and she never called me like she said she would. I wish I knew why. But I can't even call her to try 'n find out, I don't have her number. Poop.

Speeking of disapeiring friends, I haven't talked to Kayla since before easter. Which fucking sucks. I miss her. She was cool, never juging people the way my other friends do. I loved that about her. She was quirky too, we always had a good time. Oh well, some times friends leave you. And you can't change a thing.

pass out potatoe

I think my eyes are light sensitive. Bright sun light gives me a headache, and then I start feeling dizy. It really sucks.

punch drunk luuurve

I'm not feeling so hott today. Actually I was feeling fine when I was hanging out with Andrew, Jessica, Katlyn, and Jerimiah, but now I feel sick, and depressed. Just one of those days I guess.

There's this one guy(I'm not going to put his name here because he said that he reads my blog) that I used to really like, and I flirted with him, and made it pretty obvious. But today I realized, I don't really like him that much. Or maybe I did, and my feelings have changed? But you'd think that would be a gradual thing wouldn't you? Not like, one day you're head over heals(I never really got that saying before) and the next you couldn't care less. Fuck. I'd like to say that it's just PMS or some thing, but I know it's not. I don't think I'm really into relationships right now. Not that I want to be all sluty and just sleep with every one, I don't feel like doing that either. I just want to...be. I just want to goof off with my friends. I want to go climb trees. I want to dance. I want to sweat. I want to not care about any thing.

I think I'm just in a bad mood right now. I'm gonna' go on a bike ride and see if I feel any better later.