Dress-rehearsals went bad today. Not bad bad. Just not great. But that's normal I guess, bad dress, good performance. The first time we went through it was way better than the second time. I was more into it. I wont say I was great, that'd be a big fat lie--it's not like I can actually act--but I didn't drop any lines, skip any cues, and I felt, felt.....like the queen.
I'm tired though, I'm just stuck in this nervy fog. Shaking 'cuz I'm scared and sick to my stoumich 'cuz I'm scared but also 'cuz I'm sicker than I have been in a while. Shit, I'm not ready for this. I'm not sure why I'm so scared though, it's not like I have a big part--not like last year! But when ever I think about it I feel like I'm going to...I don't know. I just feel like I can't do it, but I have to, it's to late now. God, Terry and Eli are going to be there! I don't want any one I know to be there. Fucking up in front of strangers is okay, but totally bombing in front of the woman who taught me to act, the guy I used to be friends with--fuck! I don't think I was this scared last year, which is weird since then I was one stage the whole entire time and I had so many lines I could hardly remember them all and now I'm just the queen.
I can't wait untill tomorrow. Nervy as I am, I know it's going to kick ass. The performance is going to be amazing.
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