So I've promised to send Mike a picture of me, topless. Hahaha. God I'm fucking crazy. But I've already said I would do it and there is no way I'm backing down. I've already taken the picture, I just haven't had a chance to upload it. Oy. I doubt I would send it to any one else. But I like Mike. Seriously.
My glands are all swollen, blech, I think I'm getting a cold or some thing. NOT FUN.
It's even worse since I have rehearsals tomorow, how am I suposed to project my voice if I can harldy talk? Why do I always get sick right before I have stage time?
Oh fuck, I forgot we're not alowed to read from the skripts tomorow. I haven't botherd memorizing my lines. Good thing I don't have a big part or any thing, the queen is pretty easy to adlib for.
Guitar lesson went pretty shity today. I know the song I was suposed to play pretty well, I can play it alright, but for some reson I kept messing it up, hitting the wrong string, going to slow or to fast, forgetting how a chord went. My hands were shaking too, NOT FUN. I have a problem with playing in front of people, it's pretty weird, no matter how well I know a song I totally fuck up if people are watching me. Damn shyness.
YES!! I asked Mike if he would come to this concert thing and he said yes! Yay! I need to talk to Mad about that though, I still have no clue who we're going to see or when.
Aaaah I'm so excited now. I just know we'll have a million tons of fun. :)
Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
zen worms
I have discusting posture when I'm sitting at the computer. Seriously. I could never get an office job because I'd be sitting with one foot on my chair and my head resting on my knee. I type quite fast and I'm good at data-entry tipe things, but I just can't be normal at a desk. Right now, both of my feet are on the desk, touching the moniter, and I've got one hand on either side of my legs, typing like that. Haha.
Anyway, I've been reading alot about zen latley. It's quite interesting. I love the philosophy(is that how you spell that?). I like meditating, it's very...peaceful, I s'pose.
But that's not the point, the point is, I have found a wonderful zen joke.
A zen master goes up to a hot-dog vender and says
"Make me one with every thing." Haha! But wait, there's more!
The hot-dog vendor gives him his hot-dog and says,
''That'll be $2.50."
The zen master hands him a five.
The vender puts the five in the cash box and turns to some one else.
''Where's my change?'' the zen master askes.
And the hot-dog vender says
"Change must come from with-in."
HA.HA.HA.
Today I saved an earthworm. You know how there are always worms all over the side walks after it rains? Well I found this really big slimey one on the driveway. I picked it up and put it in the flower bed. Poor wormy, he was all red on one side. I don't know if worms get sunburn, but I know they aren't suposed to be all red. I hope he(she?) is okay.
Anyway, I've been reading alot about zen latley. It's quite interesting. I love the philosophy(is that how you spell that?). I like meditating, it's very...peaceful, I s'pose.
But that's not the point, the point is, I have found a wonderful zen joke.
A zen master goes up to a hot-dog vender and says
"Make me one with every thing." Haha! But wait, there's more!
The hot-dog vendor gives him his hot-dog and says,
''That'll be $2.50."
The zen master hands him a five.
The vender puts the five in the cash box and turns to some one else.
''Where's my change?'' the zen master askes.
And the hot-dog vender says
"Change must come from with-in."
HA.HA.HA.
Today I saved an earthworm. You know how there are always worms all over the side walks after it rains? Well I found this really big slimey one on the driveway. I picked it up and put it in the flower bed. Poor wormy, he was all red on one side. I don't know if worms get sunburn, but I know they aren't suposed to be all red. I hope he(she?) is okay.
Sadness
I've changed my mind. I am sad about my grandfather dying. It's horrable.
My eyes hurt from trying not to cry. They are burning. Death shouldn't be drawn out and painful like this. It hurts every one. I think I have a parasite living in my right eye. I hope...I hope...I'm not sure what I'm hoping for. I just know I am.
My eyes hurt from trying not to cry. They are burning. Death shouldn't be drawn out and painful like this. It hurts every one. I think I have a parasite living in my right eye. I hope...I hope...I'm not sure what I'm hoping for. I just know I am.
every one is dying(still)
My great grandpa is dying. There, I said it.
I haven't actually told any of my friends yet. I'm having a hard time wraping my head around that fact.
It's there obviously. I know it's hapening. I know he's not doing well. I know he wont be around very long. But...I don't know...some how I don't think it's really hit me yet.
The thing is, I don't feel very sad about it. I mean I do, obviously! But I feel like I should be crying and writing about every thing he's ever said to me. But I'm not. I feel sad about it, but no sader than I felt(still feel) when I heard about Pudge dying.
Which makes me feel horable.
I want to be sad and with-drawn and be crying about it, but....He's old, he wasn't very healthy, people die. And I know my grandpa will miss him, and Betty and Aunt Barbra will too. But that just makes me feel sad for them, about how they loved great-grandpa and soon he'll be gone. And I loved him too, but...I just don't feel bad.
Am I a horable person?
Yes.
I didn't know him very well. I really only see him a few times a year.(birthdays, christmas, thanksgiving, that kind of thing) I know he played guitar when he was younger, I know he loves dogs, but doesn't have one, I know that he and his late wife met on a train(I think that's how they met, I'm not actually sure about that one). When I was a kid, every time I saw him he would tell me that I was shooting up like a weed, and he would always tell me about the first time he held me(when I was a baby) and how I screamed my head off.
But I'm not terrably sad that he'll be gone, I'm not happy about it! But I'm not drowning in tears either.
I hate this feeling.
I haven't actually told any of my friends yet. I'm having a hard time wraping my head around that fact.
It's there obviously. I know it's hapening. I know he's not doing well. I know he wont be around very long. But...I don't know...some how I don't think it's really hit me yet.
The thing is, I don't feel very sad about it. I mean I do, obviously! But I feel like I should be crying and writing about every thing he's ever said to me. But I'm not. I feel sad about it, but no sader than I felt(still feel) when I heard about Pudge dying.
Which makes me feel horable.
I want to be sad and with-drawn and be crying about it, but....He's old, he wasn't very healthy, people die. And I know my grandpa will miss him, and Betty and Aunt Barbra will too. But that just makes me feel sad for them, about how they loved great-grandpa and soon he'll be gone. And I loved him too, but...I just don't feel bad.
Am I a horable person?
Yes.
I didn't know him very well. I really only see him a few times a year.(birthdays, christmas, thanksgiving, that kind of thing) I know he played guitar when he was younger, I know he loves dogs, but doesn't have one, I know that he and his late wife met on a train(I think that's how they met, I'm not actually sure about that one). When I was a kid, every time I saw him he would tell me that I was shooting up like a weed, and he would always tell me about the first time he held me(when I was a baby) and how I screamed my head off.
But I'm not terrably sad that he'll be gone, I'm not happy about it! But I'm not drowning in tears either.
I hate this feeling.
every one's dying
R.I.P. Pudge.
Pudge, the drumer from the sead band, died in his sleap last night. I met him a couple times when I was younger, and I'm going to miss him, despite the fact that I didn't really know him. I don't know what hapens to people when they die, and I don't really belive in god, but I hope that Pudge has found peace.
Pudge, the drumer from the sead band, died in his sleap last night. I met him a couple times when I was younger, and I'm going to miss him, despite the fact that I didn't really know him. I don't know what hapens to people when they die, and I don't really belive in god, but I hope that Pudge has found peace.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
visting grandpa
This morning I braided my hair and put it up in four buns. It looks amazingly stupid, but I refuse to take it down untill it's completly dry, even if that means...shoping with my hair like this. See, I want my hair to be wavy for tonight. I [might] be going to the rock box(what a dumb name) to see the killer apathy(I totally love them). And Eric might be there, I haven't seen him for ages. I might not get to go though, I've got some family stuff going on. Sad buisness.
Friday, April 27, 2007
odd things that make me happy
Rubing my legs together when they are wet, right after shaving.
The way it smells before and during a rain storm.
The sound my cowboy boots make when I'm walking on wet pavement.
Tree sap on my hands.
The exileration I feel right after seeing a play.
Laying in wet grass.
When the clouds clear and it's really sunny right after it's rained.
Seeing really long trains pass.
Really cool grafiti.
Grafiti way high up on things, it always makes me wonder ''how the hell did they paint all the way up there?!"
The cauluses on the tips of my fingers.(from playin' guitar)
Boys with long eyelashes.
Warm toes(mine not other peoples).
Statues in parks.
People telling me that I look really young.(It actually kind of annoys me, but hey, if I look young now, I'll look great when I'm 30ish!)
Freakles.
Turquoise any thing.
Seeing lawns coverd in dandylions.
Making it to the end of the monkey bars.
Picking up trash off the street.(I don't like that there is trash in the streets, that actually makes me feel like crap, but picking it up and tossing it in a trashcan makes me feel fab)
Skunks.
Pencil shavings.
Music that I listend to when I was a kid.
Purple clouds.
Door knobs.
Keys that don't have any thing to unlock.
Really hot salsa.
Speeking eloquently on AIM or yahoo.
Pretending that I'm on an italian soap opera.
Running and jumping and just fliging my whole body around.
Swinging(on a swingset) so high that it looks like my feet are above the tree line.
Finding really random cute things.
Small stuffed animals that are soft and squishy.
Writing about odd things, like this.
The way it smells before and during a rain storm.
The sound my cowboy boots make when I'm walking on wet pavement.
Tree sap on my hands.
The exileration I feel right after seeing a play.
Laying in wet grass.
When the clouds clear and it's really sunny right after it's rained.
Seeing really long trains pass.
Really cool grafiti.
Grafiti way high up on things, it always makes me wonder ''how the hell did they paint all the way up there?!"
The cauluses on the tips of my fingers.(from playin' guitar)
Boys with long eyelashes.
Warm toes(mine not other peoples).
Statues in parks.
People telling me that I look really young.(It actually kind of annoys me, but hey, if I look young now, I'll look great when I'm 30ish!)
Freakles.
Turquoise any thing.
Seeing lawns coverd in dandylions.
Making it to the end of the monkey bars.
Picking up trash off the street.(I don't like that there is trash in the streets, that actually makes me feel like crap, but picking it up and tossing it in a trashcan makes me feel fab)
Skunks.
Pencil shavings.
Music that I listend to when I was a kid.
Purple clouds.
Door knobs.
Keys that don't have any thing to unlock.
Really hot salsa.
Speeking eloquently on AIM or yahoo.
Pretending that I'm on an italian soap opera.
Running and jumping and just fliging my whole body around.
Swinging(on a swingset) so high that it looks like my feet are above the tree line.
Finding really random cute things.
Small stuffed animals that are soft and squishy.
Writing about odd things, like this.
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